Archive for the ‘work’ Category



November 1, 2007

as a family law paralegal i deal with issues of domestic violence regularly – women and men physically or mentally abused by their partners.  it sucks, yes.  it opens your eyes to a failed system where victims are forced to relive their trauma, sometimes over and over again, in a room full of total strangers, their abuser and a supposedly blind lady justice. 

but that’s not what i want to write about today.  not really.  what i want to write about today are the cases that clog the pipe.  the husbands and wives that just can’t fucking be nice to one another.  the tire slashing, voicemail leaving, lock changing, heirloom stealing couples who one day feel the need to escalate the drama by taking it to the courts.  but instead of just getting a divorce, one or both of the jerks will file for an injunction for protection against domestic violence which is just a fancy way of saying restraining order.

a hammer to your ferrari or a stolen antique diamond necklace does not an injunction make.  you arrogant assholes.  by placing your whiny ass in the courtroom, you only make it more difficult for the real victims to get the attention they deserve.

and i know it’s likely i’ll catch flack for suggesting this kind of behavior isn’t violent or abusive.  at times it is.  at times this kind of behavior leads to physical altercations or other oppressive actions.  however, at other times, it’s simply a volatile relationship where pot stirrers abound.

to the pot stirrers i say, “grow the fuck up”!

if reasoning with them was possible i would say, “you can’t litigate decorum”. 


blog the workday away

October 13, 2007

It’s been one of those days – stacks of other people’s bank records spilled all over my desk, five pages of notes detailing each account, a calculator clicking away as i try to figure out where the fuck this bastard hid $125,000, soggy mayo laced lettuce from taking my lunch break in the middle of the chaos. 

And now it’s quarter-to-three and my boss is twittering away in her office looking like she’ll be going energizer bunny styles until 5.  This on a day I was hoping to leave early.  Hey.  Lady.  It is Friday you know!

Every day this week she’s sauntered into the office after 11, only to take a lunch at 1 and then call in around 1:30 (presumably at her house or in the pedicure chair) to say she “doesn’t have any work to do” so she isn’t coming back. 

Yeah.  You don’t “have any work to do” because you just plopped it all into my in-box. 

I know.  I know.  It’s my job, you’re right.  But most of the shits she shat in my box are things she used to do herself but that I took over for her when she was swamped. 

Um.  It doesn’t look like she’s swamped of late.  Her nails look way too nice for someone so busy she has to write me a two page note instructing me to call her fiance and ask him to come by the office and check our air conditioner filter.  Hu?  You didn’t chip your polish writing the note so I doubt you’ll do any damage making the phone call.

This morning, with nothing pressing on the calendar, I was pretty confident I would have the good fortune of finding my ass at home in time for Oprah.  But now she’s twittering and I look really busy neck high in financial documents. 

Though, technically, I am getting paid to blog…so…


total eclipse of the blahs

September 21, 2007

fair warning, it gets a bit graphic in this one… 

i’ve been feeling kinda blah today.

actually most of this week.

i guess it started on sunday with the fear that i wasn’t going to have my period, like, for the next nine months. you know what i’m talking about, ladies – that roller-coaster-esque belly drop you get when you suddenly realize you’re a few days past the magical day twenty eight.

so i start counting each and every act of dirty, nasty, cum-inside-me-baby! sex i’ve had in the last thirty days. i sat for a moment, staring at the ceiling imagining each and every swimming sperm. “did i have ovulation cramps this month? was that before or after that time we screwed, like, right when i got home from work, before i could even make it up the stairs, and he bent me over and dropped his load in like a good boy**?”

it’s not that i don’t want to get pregnant or anything. i do. mr. d and i talk about it often and plan on trying, really trying, in the very near future but it is still a scary prospect.  right now we’re just playin’ chicken. 

thankfully “my friend” came to hang out first thing monday morning. what a fucking bitch. it’s not that i have body-hate issues or anything. i don’t. i love being a young woman and if bleeding like a freshly butchered pig once a month is what it takes to continue being one then, shit, i guess i’ll shut up and bleed. it’s just that it hurts really badly and i get cranky and tired and gassy and hungry and it’s like i’m a totally different person. thank goddess for those ThermaCare wraps or i’d have to take to bed for four days out of the month. seriously.

tuesday brought a new client to the office. i can’t really talk about the details but i can say that it involves a rather twisted sexual assault. the story has really kicked me in the gut. our client, the victim, could easily be me or one of my friends. this woman is handling the whole situation with incredible strength and grace and that makes me feel like a total jerk for crying about it in the bathroom.

i’ve also been working on organizing an event for the local young democrats club. the event is a week from today and still we’ve not managed to mail the 1100 post card invites we had printed. it’s like the bad news bears of political organizing. and it’s sucking the life out of me.

i’m trying not to be so bummed. i mean, it’s thursday, right? tonight i’m going to have a delicious dinner with mr. d (tune in tomorrow for more). and guess what? the weekend starts in, like, 24 hours!

this week could have been worse. i could have been tazed. i could have been sexually assaulted. i could be iraqi…or this guy.

**might be a dramatization, or might not.


My Job-y Job

September 6, 2007

I work as a paralegal in a family law office. The office has one attorney, one other paralegal and a part time candy scented teenager who answers the phones and pretends to “do work”.

My job requires me to strike a balance between the highly emotional lives of people in crisis and the muddily mundane Justice System. I almost always get pulled into the drama and think maybe that’s why I don’t crave drama in my life outside of work.

At times my job is greatly rewarding. At times it sucks. Both the reward and teh suk typically come out of my interaction with clients. I fall in love with some of my clients. I engage in huge amounts of counter-transference . I really enjoy listening to my clients talk about their lives, giving them advice, helping them cope with whatever craziness they are going through. I am fiercely loyal and will go toe-to-toe with any opposing attorney (or even my own boss) to do what’s right by them. I am a more self-aware person for having worked with them.

Some of the folks I work with are a bit more challenging. They are so caught up in what’s being “done to them” (a lawsuit) that they loose sight of the big picture. They get extremely paranoid and refuse to trust anyone including those they are paying to fight for their interests – my boss and me. They are highly demanding yet scrutinize every 10 dollar charge on their bill. They take everything personally.

For me, the worst clients are those whose moral and ethical beliefs do not line up with mine or some version of mine. This is why I could never be an attorney – I have a very difficult time defending someone who I know is not behaving in a moral or ethical way.

For example, I have a client who hired us to appeal his dissolution of marriage. During the dissolution trial the Judge made some technical errors and in addition based a custody decision solely on the hearsay testimony of a third party. Essentially, the Judge took the man’s children away from him because when he was 19 he was convicted of and served prison time for corporal punishment (this was the third party hearsay testimony).

My boss fought hard and won the appeal which gave us the ability to go back in front of the trial court and plead for our client to get (at least shared) custody of his children.

I was heartbroken and disgusted.

Now, most people would say:

“Meh. Corporal punishment is just spanking a kid, right?”.


“So why take his kids away because he spanked a kid back when he was 19?”

Because in this case the charge of corporal punishment was a plea down deal.

Through some research, I found that he was initially charged with lewd and lascivious on a minor. From what I understand, my client, nineteen at the time, was living with his girlfriend who had a child, an infant. There was an “incident” and the baby was taken to the local emergency room. The evidence indicates that the infant presented with “fellatio syndrome”. It chills me to even type that. He did THIS** to a baby! How could I help this man get his children back?

Interestingly, he never did. After he won the appeal he “couldn’t come up with the money” to go back to the trial court with an attorney so he was going to move forward on his own. Nothing has been done on his case since. He has made no attempt, as far as I know, to see his children.

Honestly, I expected nothing less. This is a man who would call his ex-wife a bitch and a whore to my face. This is a man who was having a private investigator follow his ex-wife and children despite the fact that there was domestic violence injunction in place preventing him from having contact with her, third party or otherwise. He is obsessed with her. In turn, I fear for her. And loathe him.

But, he owes us money. So, every month I get to call and listen to his sleazy voicemail greeting and leave a message for him to call me about his bill. Knowing that he never will makes me feel much better.

for housekeeping purposes – i do believe that there were technical errors made by the trial court, including allowing hearsay testimony about the abuse.  however, that doesn’t change the fact that i think the abuse is relevant and wish the evidence could have been introduced in an error free way.  also, when asked about the abuse the client has always either denied it by saying simply that his girlfriend at the time was a “crazy bitch” that couldn’t take care of her kid or brushed it off by suggesting that since the offence was over 15 years ago and he served his time, that it should be irrelevant.