Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category


wherein disses my akaWedding

May 13, 2008

my akaWedding has been officially dubed a “cocktail party reception with no motherfucking ceremony”. and like any good citizen of the information age, i’ve used the interwebs a lot to help me with planning. from invitation wording, to food budgeting, to music, the world wide web is chock full of great ideas. with pictures!

for those who don’t know, the is the premiere tube destination for “couples seeking information and services to help plan their weddings and their future lives together”. gag me, right. but they are a resource nonetheless. and i was pleasantly surprised to find them at the top of a google search for “cocktail party reception with no motherfucking ceremony”.

the pleasantness ended there as we shall see below…

If you’re looking for a classy, low-cost, low-stress option, a cocktail reception may be for you. This type of reception focuses on hors d’oeuvres — either all stationary or passed, or some stationary and some passed — instead of a full meal, and guests stand and chat holding small, snack-laden plates while trying to balance their wine glasses.

the article starts off fairly well, with a complement if you will, by stating that a reception of this nature can be “classy”. i like classy and it is the most often used adjective when describing what i want my akaWedding to be. but “low-cost” and “low-stress”? not so much. and not the first insult theknot will throw my way.

i mean, i hardly think it nice to insinuate, in the first paragraph, that my guests will be holding “small” plates and uncomfortably balancing their drinks. any good cocktail party aficionado worth their weight in free booze knows you get drinks first, then scope a proper place for them, then, leaving your boyfriend to stand guard of said drinks, make your way to the food where you balance three plates of which one is for snacking off of on the way back to the above mentioned free booze. maybe i’ve been to a few too many cocktail parties in my day.  or maybe, DUH!

Because this type of reception isn’t an ideal format for the standard scheduled wedding events (bouquet toss, first dance) it may feel more like a party than a wedding reception. But if that’s what you’re after, this may be the perfect choice.

actually, there will be standard scheduled wedding events, namely champagne toast, first dance, dollar dance (we’re paying for the shit ourselves, people!), some roasting, cake cutting, and strippers. okay, maybe not strippers, but shit, theknot, good to know i have a “choice” other than stuffy ass sit down dinner and bouquet toss.

i also love their tips on timing and type of food. apparently, guests expect a “full meal” if your reception is between 6 and 10 p.m. the akaWedding is scheduled from 6:30 until whenever they kick us out (likely 11 for those who care but an afterparty is inevitable, trust). and, get this, i have to have forks if seafood ravioli is on the menu. you don’t say!  i mean, how insulting.  i’m not four.  i know what a fork is.

lastly, and the biggest fail in my book, doesn’t know my friends:

Keep in mind…[at this type of reception] guests may drink more than they would at a full meal, so liquor costs may be higher.

full meal or not, my peeps can drink. one of the many reasons why i love them so dearly.

is there no one out there in wedding planning world who understands that we’re dong it this way because WE WANT TO? because we think our friends and family will enjoy it more? because it’s not a “wedding” it’s a “cocktail party reception with no motherfucking ceremony”? it’s a celebration bitches [grab a drink, grab a glass, after that I grab yo ass]!


get you own goddamn wedding!

May 12, 2008

i pity the couple who want a “real” wedding.  so far, my experience planning a “fake” one has been nothing but a pain.  dos and don’ts, etiquette, tradition.  i’m up to my eyeballs in it.  and i can’t fathom what i would feel like if i actually thought i had to follow any of the guidelines bullshit.

i’ve already expressed some of my frustration in dealing with caterers who just don’t understand the concept of having a “cocktail party reception with no motherfucking ceremony”.  i’ll try to explain but there’s this long pause, and then the jaw slacks a little as their head tilts ever so slightly to the side.  it’s as if they’re a puppy doing something completely natural, like pissing wherever they feel like, who is suddenly being yelled at by its owner.  “bah-ru?”, they say, like they’ve never heard of pissing outside or having a “cocktail party reception with no motherfucking ceremony”.  i can’t imagine i’m the first one with this crazy wacky idea.

last week i sent the copy for my invitations to a friend of mr. D’s who happens to be a wedding planner.  she can get us a 50% discount on the invites so i happily sent her the info to place the order.  here is the instant messanger exchange that soon followed:

wedding planner: hey!  i’m ordering the invitations and had a quick question.  are you sure you want to put the full address of the reception location?  usually you dont do that

me: how do people know how to get there?

WP:  well, people usually include a map if its a place that’s not well known, but im sure all of your friends know where it is or how to use google.  traditionally you wouldn’t put the full address.  and personally, i think it looks better with out the street address

me:  we have quite a few people coming from out of town. actually, most of my friends will be coming from out of town and i’d prefer not to get 50 phone calls the day of asking how to get there.

WP:  you can do which ever you want, im just making sure

me:  i just asked mr. D and he wants the full address on there.

WP:  are you sure?  it’s just not something most people do.  and it can come off as tacky

me: tacky or not, unless it’s going to cost extra or not fit on the page, we’d like to have it on there.  period

WP:  are you sure?

me:  uh, yeah

WP:  okay! :)


at this point i wanted to say, “get your own goddamn wedding”!  i mean, when she plans her wedding she can go ahead and have her guests driving around for hours trying to locate a venue they’ve never heard of.

and it didn’t end there, folks.  she actually called mr. D and tried to talk him into vetoing my decision.  after i’d already told her, very clearly i might add, that we both wanted the full address on the invitations.  wtf!?!

it’s so trivial, i know.  and this blog is turning into adventures in akaWedding planning, i know.  but it’s my life at the moment.  as my new header suggests…


journal day

April 26, 2008

yesterday (or today depending one’s  perception) is “journal day” according to a friend who says it’s so.  i really like the idea:

So this is a group project. What I’d like you to do is to keep a journal entry for/on april 25, 2008, and then email it to me (****.****@****.com). i will compile them all and distribute. the final product will be completely anonymous, so please be as honest as you would normally be. do everything exactly as you would in a normal journal entry, but then type it up and send it in. exciting is great, but mundane is even greater. just be natural. and let’s get as many entries as possible; ideally i’d like to make it into a desk calendar-looking thing, with 365 pages/entries from as diverse a group as possible. all right. let’s spread the word, and everybody remember to keep a journal on april 25.

i sent him my blog post from yesterday, which i think is sufficient.  if nothing it was “natural”; it’s what i would have written (wrote? grammar!) on that day regardless.


right now mr. D and some of his work friends are inside the house talking shop.  not that i’m making any promises but maybe i’ll take this time to set up some blog posts for the upcoming week.  maybe i’ll just finish my wine and go to bed.  maybe i’ll make some bread.  talk about mundane.  stay tuned.





the simple life

January 16, 2008

a friend asked, nay, demanded that i update my blog.  and i would more often, i swear, but my life is fairly normal and not worth blogging about all the time.  i mean, i didn’t just start school.  i’m not into group sex.  i already have a biketeenage unicorn?  sadly, no.

for reals.  i’m a bore.  i sleep as late as possible.  get ready for work in under 60 minutes.  work until noon.  come home for lunch.  go back to work until five.  come home again.  walk the dog.  make dinner.  eat.  watch TV.  canoodle.  sleep.

i did get a new vibrator for christmas though.  awwww yeahhh.  thanks, mr. d!

but that’s it.  there aren’t many updates in the simple life.


TMI Tuesday #3

December 11, 2007

Q 1. if your partner buys you a sexy little “something” is it a present for you or for your partner?
A 1. it would be for both of us, silly.

Q 2. what are 3 characteristics of “your type”?
A 2. self aware and sensitive with a masculine physique

Q 3. on a scale of 1-10, how good a cook are you?
A 3. if 1 is someone who can’t cook at all and 10 is someone who cooks for a living, i would say i’m about a 6 or 7. i have a passion for cooking and for food that surpasses most interests in my life. if i could make money doing it, i would.

Q 4. tattoos: love them or hate them. on you? on a partner?
A 4. love love love. i just got my first and want more!

Q 5. stubble: good or bad? how often do you shave?
A 5. i hate shaving my legs. mostly because it takes so much time and there is little reward since i wear pants almost exclusively. and i recently decided to never ever ever shave my lady bits again. a brazillian wax may hurt while the hair is bring ripped out of your body but it’s a whole lot better than up to 5 days of razor/stubble burn between your legs.

bonus Q. what are a few of your favorite things (dirty and not-so-dirty)?
bonus A. delicious brunches, late nights with mr. d, gifts for no reason, love notes, teeth marks on my back, emma kisses…


happy birthday dad

November 1, 2007


my wish?  that i could be there with you.


wherein post secret makes me cry…again

October 15, 2007