Archive for the ‘sex’ Category

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prosaic

February 23, 2008

he’s gone. and i feel it again.  that nag.  that need.

less than 24 hours ago we were in the same bed and now…

i’ll sleep alone.  never completely sated.

i know he’ll be back but this empty feeling.  this literally, physically empty feeling.  i hate it.

because it means i need him to feel complete.  normal.  sane.  i wonder still if that’s such a bad thing.  i’m not dying, mind you.  not in a state, as it were. 

but i can’t help but worry about growing so attached.  and honey, i’m so far past growing.  i’m there.  this very moment.  a wanton parasite. 

i dream to leach him dry.  i know he’d like it.

i count the days, hours, minutes.  i find myself in our bed.  hot.  for a moment and then it’s gone.  i’m left to live with a scent half as pungent.  and not poignant at all.  pedestrian, really.

fucking prosaic, in fact.

pitiful.

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TMI Tuesdays #8

January 23, 2008

Q 1. what was your favorite book as a kid?
A 1. i had two: the giving tree and charlotte’s web. the giving tree was a book i could read myself at a fairly early age and charlotte’s web was a book i would ask adults to read to me at a very early age. i still have copies of both (my original giving tree!). i go back to them often.

Q 2. if you were stranded on that proverbial desert island (again!), what book or books (up to 5) would you want to have with you?
A 2. the prophet by kahlil gibran, the poisonwood bible by barbara kingsolver, the bell jar by sylvia plath, dictionary, and thesaurus.

Q 3. what was the first “naughty” book you read and in what way was it naughty?
A 3. my mom used to leave “naughty” books with titles like “what’s going on down there?” and “where did i come from” around the house. then i found her adult stash which included the original joy of sex, masters and johnson’s the pleasure bond, and a bunch of home crafted zines on sexual health from the 70s with great drawings of uncut peni, bushy beesh and talking diaphragms. THE MOTHERLOAD! then, at about age 8, i saw a penthouse at a girlfriend’s grandparents’ house and i nearly passed out. i’ve loved porn ever since! more porn.  better porn.  naughtier porn!!  my passion for all things porn has gotten me in lots of trouble over the years and makes me question early exposure to explicit sexuality. (note to self: blog more on this)

Q 4. if you were to publish your autobiography today, what would be the title?
A 4. thirty years on

Q 5. would you rather look at nude pictures/pornography or read erotic fiction and why?
A 5. i want it ALL!  see number 3.

Bonus Q. do you know the whereabouts today of the first person with whom you had sex?
Bonus A. i do (myspace is a funny thing). he still lives in the same room we screwed in fifteen years ago. scary.

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who is driving the bus?

December 18, 2007

i’ve been a real jerk lately.  an immature, jerky-faced jerk off.  and i’m starting to believe that this is how i behave normally and i’m concerned.

perhaps i like the drama?  the thrill of the argument?

on sunday, while waiting for a table at our newest breakfast obsession, mr. d and i had a realization – we had never really had a conversation about how many sexual partners we’d each had in the past.  once, in the beginning stages of our lovely affair, we had a conversation of  a similar persuasion, but it finished abruptly with assurances by both that each had been recently tested for various sex bugs and a joke from mr. d about how it would be impossible to count the hordes of women he’d boinked over his lifetime.  

little did i know…he wasn’t joking.

so, back to sunday.  we start having the “what’s your number” conversation and i’m getting a little upset because he’s totally telling me he’s fucked more women than he has fingers on both hands.  he’s fucked friends he still hangs out with.  friends i’ve hung out with.  just friendly fucks but me never the wiser that my boyfriend’s rod has parted their sea of reeds.  “she’s just some friend” he’s told me on countless occasions about countless women.  yeah, some friend indeed.  and by this point my “little upset” is turning into a full blown hissy fit.  

and i just don’t get it.

and i’m the victim.

and how could he.

and i MUST KNOW who ALL these bitches are who’ve fucked and sucked and defiled my boyfriend and i MUST KNOW every detail of every encounter.

and if i don’t, well shit, i’m going to die.  yes, you heard me.  i’m going to up and goddamn die.  because some how, some way i’ve turned into my thirteen-year-old self and i’m about to loose control and i think i like it.

but we go about our morning.  and i’m marinating.  no, i’m stewing.  and i’m thinking about my reaction and why i’m so goddamn hurt.  it’s so complicated because some of the reasons are totally rational – why the hell are you having this conversation with him a full year after your first date?  idiot! – but some of the reasons border on pathological – what if all those women were BETTER than me!?!

it could be worse.

i’m not willing to let mr. d off the hook totally, though.  there are big issues here.  sex.  trust.  fidelity.  openness of communication.  and on and on.  i’m obviously feeling some kind of unmet need if i’m willing to have such a disproportionate reaction.  this i realize.

and i suspect i know what that unmet need is.  but how do i express myself to mr. d before all hell breaks lose and i turn into teenage mutant ninja jerk?  i mean, who is driving the bus?  me or thirteen-year-old me?  further exploration within myself is required.  suggestions are always appreciated.

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TMI Tuesdays #2

December 4, 2007

questions and answers for this week:

Q 1. are you a member of the mile high club?
A 1. full on intercourse in an airplane bathroom?  no.  other stuff in and around an airplane bathroom?  yes.

Q 2. What is the most public place you have ever had sex?
A 2. oh boy. i’ve done it in lots of places that could be considered public.  but the most public? i guess that would be at a party. in front of people. for all I know it could be on YouTube right now although the act took place long before YouTube was around. i’m not very proud of my behavior during that particular time of my life. but i do think having sex in a place where you could conceivably be caught is really exciting. i prefer single stall bathrooms ;-)

Q 3. what is your most embarrassing family moment?
A 3. i dropped a pie on the carpet one thanksgiving. i was little and cried my eyes out until my grandmother and great-aunt decided to cheer me up by eating it off the floor.  like the great flood, it is a story that will be retold (in my family at least) for millennia.

Q 4. what kind of birth control do you use?
A 4. in the past i’ve used the pill and the nuva ring and condoms but right now, nada. well that’s not true. i am very aware of my cycle, which is very regular, so cycle beads and the withdrawal method (which only has a 4% failure rate, btw) work perfectly for mr. d and i. hormone based methods fuck me up physically and emotionally and i’m allergic to condoms. plus, i just really like the feel of hard peen in my fuck box.

Q 5. have you ever had sex in the snow? rain?
A 5. ya know, i don’t think i have. good thing i’m still young!

bonus Q. describe your flirting technique: innuendo, telling a dirty joke, talking about sex life, or physical contact?
bonus A. in the past i’ve used a mix of innuendo, in-your-face sex talk and sexually suggestive physical moves.  now my flirting technique goes a little something like this, “hey, mr. d?  can we go upstairs already?”

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TMI Tuesdays!

November 27, 2007

i’m starting TMI tuesdays.  maybe.  check back next week to see if i stick with it.  i figure it’s a chance, for those who wish, to learn more about me.  i can’t remember where i saw this first but you can find it here.  and since the TMI blog typically posts their questions very late on tuesday nights, i’m going to start with last weeks questions and be in a perpetual state of one-week-behind-ness.  whatevs.

so, without further delay, here are the questions and answers!

Q 1. what is the sexiest gesture a woman can make?

A 1. anything with her mouth.  this can range from eating to sipping a drink to a tiny little purse of the lips.  this goes for men, too.  mouths are just hot. 

Q 2. what are three inevitable things about you?

A 2. i will try to prove i’m right, no matter what; i will say highly inappropriate things, most times of a sexual nature, when i’m tipsy; i will sacrifice my own needs for the needs of others.

Q 3. what do you want…now?

A 3. mcdonalds’ sausage, egg and cheese biscuit.  i’m hungry!

Q 4. what asset do you have besides the physical and material?

A 4. i have a fairly acute sense of intuition.  i have premonitory dreams and have been known to fall into extreme states of deja vu, or more specifically deja entendu (trans. already heard), on the regular.  all of these things, though at times frightening, have been very helpful to me throughout my life.  they’re like little gifts i’ve been able to open and explore along the path of self actualization.  i don’t view them as physical assets in the sense that Freud would.  i don’t think this phenomena is attached to my cognitive function.  i think it’s more parapsychological in nature and therefore extraphysical.  phew!

Q 5. describe a sexy mind.

A 5. one that is creative yet practical.

Bonus Q. what [were] you thankful for this thanksgiving?

Bonus A. i am continually thankful for mr. D and our decision to open ourselves to love.  we didn’t spend thanksgiving together last year; the newness of our relationship prevented mingling with each other’s families.  this year was different and i found myself staring at him while he helped my grandmother pull the turkey from the roasting pan.  he fits perfectly in so many ways.  i’m thankful for the fit.  

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whitman mashup

November 13, 2007

Loafe with me on the grass, loose the stop from your throat,
Not words, not music or rhyme I want, not custom or lecture, not even the best,
Only the lull I like, the hum of your valved voice

.
short sleepy breaths rise over the covers
adorned by a soft dream
remembrances of you
me
life

I mind how once we lay such a transparent summer morning,
How you settled your head athwart my hips and gently turn’d over upon me,
And parted the shirt from my bosom-bone, and plunged your tongue to my bare-stript heart,
And reach’d till you felt my beard, and reach’d till you held my feet

the nape of your neck
curving down to your back
a flicked tongue sets your sacrum a blaze
you awake to an explosion
steel laced with gossamer

Swiftly arose and spread around me the peace and knowledge that pass all the argument of the earth,
And I know that the hand of God is the promise of my own,
And I know that the spirit of God is the brother of my own,
And that all the men ever born are also my brothers, and the women my sisters and lovers,
And that a kelson of the creation is love,
And limitless are leaves stiff or drooping in the fields,
And brown ants in the little wells beneath them,
And mossy scabs of the worm fenced heap’d stones, elder, mullein and poke-weed

this is love
this is love
this is love
you scream from your slumber
and dream turns to reality
and we are home

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Venus and Adonis

October 24, 2007

Like a red morn that ever yet betokened,
Wreck to the seaman, tempest to the field,
Sorrow to the shepherds, woe unto the birds,
Gusts and foul flaws to herdmen and to herds

.

the alarm clock cackles

again

eyes open, gaze falls

halcyon mornings become you

stir and shift

bodies moor together

no longer two ships

adrift in scarlet morn sky

“Fondling,” she saith, “since I have hemm’d thee here
Within the circuit of this ivory pale,
I’ll be a park, and thou shalt be my deer;
Feed where thou wilt, on mountain or in dale:
Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry,
Stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie”