Archive for the ‘American culture’ Category

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creepy politics

May 19, 2008

as of late i’ve been weary of people who say that this country “isn’t ready” for a female OR african american president.  some of my weariness stems from a need for self-preservation.  i mean, if clinton or obama doesn’t win the presidency by a significant mandate…dear god, i don’t want to even imagine what that would do to my mental state.

but my main reason for objecting to that kind of logic is that it undermines decades (centuries, really) of grassroots’ struggle for gender and racial equality.  it suggests that the feminist and civil rights movements have had little effect on the day to day lives of most americans and that the cultural phenomena sought to be overturned by such movements are still deeply rooted within us.

and through my brain isn’t big enough to discuss the true theoretical intricacies of my argument, it just FEELS wrong to suggest that i, as a woman, am no better off because of feminism or that barack obama, as an aferican american, is no better off because of the civil rights movement.  by extension, it FEELS wrong to also suggest that the average american isn’t more open minded and tolerant because of these two “equality” movements (and countless others).

which leads me to recount a recent scene.

mr. D and i were invited by a friend of his to come over to the friend’s house for a late lunch.  i had no idea what to expect but i knew four things – the invitee is an older woman, the invitee lives with her long time boyfriend, they live on expansive acreage “out east” or “in the redneck part of town” and this “late lunch” was bound to be an adventure.

upon our arrival, mr. invitee was lovingly washing his gator-type vehicle.  he asked if we wanted a ride.  why yes!  adventure after all.  so inside to find ms. invitee we go and it’s decided that we’ll prep some food, have some drinks and then go for a ride.

and what a ride it was!  we sped down country roads and highways, mostly on the shoulder going the opposite direction of traffic.  my mother, rest her soul, would have punched me.  hard.  we stopped at a horse farm with a bunch of emaciated horses and an acre or so of barren farm land.  prefect for some “off-roadin'”

later, during lunch, the subject turned political.  big opps to whoever turned it because it turned let me tell you.  downhill.  too much and too fast for it to ever fully recover.

“gas prices wouldn’t be so goddamn high if it weren’t for those goddamn towel heads running things over there”, mr. invitee said.

silence.

“and YOU want that ni**er to be president, too”, he added.

more silence.

he finished, “all we need in this country is a ni**er towel head running shit.”

ad VEN ture!

mr. D and i were in shock at this point.  and to be honest, i can’t relate the rest of what was said because i was fuming, holding it in and could only sigh once mr. D and i were safely back in our fuel efficient vehicle.  kinda like when you have to fart but you’re in a restaurant or some other such public place so it builds and the pressure becomes unbearable and then when you finally get to a place where you can let it rip it just sort of slides out in a wimpy little “pfftt” and you move on.  and so it went that mr. D and i could only look at each other and say “that was crazy” and move on.

yeah.  so now i’m not sure how i feel about whether we’re “ready” for a female or african american president.  i guess i’ll keep my fingers crossed that guys like this with creepy politics just stay home on november 4th.

 

 

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get you own goddamn wedding!

May 12, 2008

i pity the couple who want a “real” wedding.  so far, my experience planning a “fake” one has been nothing but a pain.  dos and don’ts, etiquette, tradition.  i’m up to my eyeballs in it.  and i can’t fathom what i would feel like if i actually thought i had to follow any of the guidelines bullshit.

i’ve already expressed some of my frustration in dealing with caterers who just don’t understand the concept of having a “cocktail party reception with no motherfucking ceremony”.  i’ll try to explain but there’s this long pause, and then the jaw slacks a little as their head tilts ever so slightly to the side.  it’s as if they’re a puppy doing something completely natural, like pissing wherever they feel like, who is suddenly being yelled at by its owner.  “bah-ru?”, they say, like they’ve never heard of pissing outside or having a “cocktail party reception with no motherfucking ceremony”.  i can’t imagine i’m the first one with this crazy wacky idea.

last week i sent the copy for my invitations to a friend of mr. D’s who happens to be a wedding planner.  she can get us a 50% discount on the invites so i happily sent her the info to place the order.  here is the instant messanger exchange that soon followed:

wedding planner: hey!  i’m ordering the invitations and had a quick question.  are you sure you want to put the full address of the reception location?  usually you dont do that

me: how do people know how to get there?

WP:  well, people usually include a map if its a place that’s not well known, but im sure all of your friends know where it is or how to use google.  traditionally you wouldn’t put the full address.  and personally, i think it looks better with out the street address

me:  we have quite a few people coming from out of town. actually, most of my friends will be coming from out of town and i’d prefer not to get 50 phone calls the day of asking how to get there.

WP:  you can do which ever you want, im just making sure

me:  i just asked mr. D and he wants the full address on there.

WP:  are you sure?  it’s just not something most people do.  and it can come off as tacky

me: tacky or not, unless it’s going to cost extra or not fit on the page, we’d like to have it on there.  period

WP:  are you sure?

me:  uh, yeah

WP:  okay! :)

 

at this point i wanted to say, “get your own goddamn wedding”!  i mean, when she plans her wedding she can go ahead and have her guests driving around for hours trying to locate a venue they’ve never heard of.

and it didn’t end there, folks.  she actually called mr. D and tried to talk him into vetoing my decision.  after i’d already told her, very clearly i might add, that we both wanted the full address on the invitations.  wtf!?!

it’s so trivial, i know.  and this blog is turning into adventures in akaWedding planning, i know.  but it’s my life at the moment.  as my new header suggests…

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akaWedding

April 23, 2008

in about an hour i’ll visit yet another caterer to discuss food for my quickly approaching “Big Day”.  i wonder how long it will take me to explain to this person that no, in fact, we will not be having a ceremony, kthxbai.  and now that i think about it, i wonder if it would have been easier had i never mentioned the “W” word at all, ever.  now i’ve screwed myself and it’s all unity candle-this and cake topper-that and really i just want to “throw a party” as an observant friend pointed out last night.  and if marriage is an institution, then traditional weddings are the perfect preparation for participating in such a cultural monolith.  and i don’t want to participate.  sure, mr. d and i will get married, legally, and throw a party to celebrate but that hardly means our marriage will look like anyone else’s.  why should our akaWedding?

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torture

February 8, 2008

we do not torture.

oh, wait. yeah we do.

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TMI Tuesdays #9

February 5, 2008

Q 1. by what nickname(s) were you known as a child?
A 1. ry

Q 2. do you have a favorite poem and, if so, what is it?
A 2. i’ve posted it before here

Q 3. what is your greatest regret in life, something that you failed to do that you wish you did?
A 3. i don’t believe in regrets but i do think that there were times in my life when i could have tried harder but didn’t for no other reason but sheer laziness.

Q 4. you are tired and hungry, but it’s too late to cook. if any snack food were available to you, what would you choose and why?
A 4. a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with doritos (in the sandwich, NOT on the side) would be a top five pick. other things on the top five list would be chef boyardee spaghetti and meatballs (heating in the microwave isn’t really cooking, right?), cheerios with whole milk and bananas, wavy chips and onion dip, and chex mix (the real homemade kind). but, i’m a good eater and haven’t had any of these things in any great quantity in quite some time. i would likely throw some pasta on the stove or heat up something frozen like quorn nuggets. for me, it’s never too late to cook.

Q 5. what is the oldest item of clothing (not jewelry!) that you wear regularly and what do you love about it?
A 5. my adidas shirt. i bought it at a thrift store when i was in high school. it was quite worn when i bought it but i could go bra-less in it ’cause the adidas logo goes right across the chest. now it’s so thin i have to wear a cami or tanktop underneath! but it’s so damn soft and i get lots of compliments on it and it’s vintage and i love it.

Bonus Q: name a movie or TV show that changed your thinking or behavior.
Bonus A: six feet under which started in 2001 – after my father’s death and before my mother’s. i was depressed and anxious and having a very difficult time dealing with my grief. the first episode, for those who don’t recall, introduces you to a family who runs a funeral home.  the father of the family is killed in a car accident and the family is forced to deal with their own grief. one of the brothers in the family starts to ask a series of questions about grief as a social construct, about how so many other cultures do it so much differently than we do.  why, if death is universal, do humans celebrate/mourn it in such varied ways?  it was all so simple yet so pedantic. i was really drawn into the theme of that first episode – grief as a (distinctly western?) social disease? – and i remember having one of those “ah ha” moments. i never watched much more of the show after that first episode but it really helped heal me.

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slash war

January 28, 2008

slashwar.jpg

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Ann Coulter: Man Hater

October 4, 2007

STFU, Ann

If we took away women’s right to vote, we’d never have to worry about another Democrat president. It’s kind of a pipe dream, it’s a personal fantasy of mine, but I don’t think it’s going to happen. And it is a good way of making the point that women are voting so stupidly, at least single women.

It also makes the point, it is kind of embarrassing, the Democratic Party ought to be hanging its head in shame, that it has so much difficulty getting men to vote for it. I mean, you do see it’s the party of women and ‘We’ll pay for health care and tuition and day care — and here, what else can we give you, soccer moms?’

The story here isn’t that Coulter is bashing women or the Democratic Party, that’s par for the course for with good ol’ Ann. The more interesting notion is that she’s men bashing. Men should take Coulter’s comments as an insult to their masculinity. To suggest all men are Republicans is absurd. Moreover, to suggest that men who consider health care, education and child care worthy cultural and political values are stupid or shameful is seriously degrading.  She obviously hates men.