wherein theknot.com disses my akaWedding

May 13, 2008

my akaWedding has been officially dubed a “cocktail party reception with no motherfucking ceremony”. and like any good citizen of the information age, i’ve used the interwebs a lot to help me with planning. from invitation wording, to food budgeting, to music, the world wide web is chock full of great ideas. with pictures!

for those who don’t know, the knot.com is the premiere tube destination for “couples seeking information and services to help plan their weddings and their future lives together”. gag me, right. but they are a resource nonetheless. and i was pleasantly surprised to find them at the top of a google search for “cocktail party reception with no motherfucking ceremony”.

the pleasantness ended there as we shall see below…

If you’re looking for a classy, low-cost, low-stress option, a cocktail reception may be for you. This type of reception focuses on hors d’oeuvres — either all stationary or passed, or some stationary and some passed — instead of a full meal, and guests stand and chat holding small, snack-laden plates while trying to balance their wine glasses.

the article starts off fairly well, with a complement if you will, by stating that a reception of this nature can be “classy”. i like classy and it is the most often used adjective when describing what i want my akaWedding to be. but “low-cost” and “low-stress”? not so much. and not the first insult theknot will throw my way.

i mean, i hardly think it nice to insinuate, in the first paragraph, that my guests will be holding “small” plates and uncomfortably balancing their drinks. any good cocktail party aficionado worth their weight in free booze knows you get drinks first, then scope a proper place for them, then, leaving your boyfriend to stand guard of said drinks, make your way to the food where you balance three plates of which one is for snacking off of on the way back to the above mentioned free booze. maybe i’ve been to a few too many cocktail parties in my day.  or maybe, DUH!

Because this type of reception isn’t an ideal format for the standard scheduled wedding events (bouquet toss, first dance) it may feel more like a party than a wedding reception. But if that’s what you’re after, this may be the perfect choice.

actually, there will be standard scheduled wedding events, namely champagne toast, first dance, dollar dance (we’re paying for the shit ourselves, people!), some roasting, cake cutting, and strippers. okay, maybe not strippers, but shit, theknot, good to know i have a “choice” other than stuffy ass sit down dinner and bouquet toss.

i also love their tips on timing and type of food. apparently, guests expect a “full meal” if your reception is between 6 and 10 p.m. the akaWedding is scheduled from 6:30 until whenever they kick us out (likely 11 for those who care but an afterparty is inevitable, trust). and, get this, i have to have forks if seafood ravioli is on the menu. you don’t say!  i mean, how insulting.  i’m not four.  i know what a fork is.

lastly, and the biggest fail in my book, theknot.com doesn’t know my friends:

Keep in mind…[at this type of reception] guests may drink more than they would at a full meal, so liquor costs may be higher.

full meal or not, my peeps can drink. one of the many reasons why i love them so dearly.

is there no one out there in wedding planning world who understands that we’re dong it this way because WE WANT TO? because we think our friends and family will enjoy it more? because it’s not a “wedding” it’s a “cocktail party reception with no motherfucking ceremony”? it’s a celebration bitches [grab a drink, grab a glass, after that I grab yo ass]!


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