Archive for April, 2008

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bogeyman

April 29, 2008

my dreams have always been vivid; so brightly colored that at times i have trouble discerning them from reality.  i travel to places i’ve never been, visit with people i’ve never met, talk extensively about things i’ve never known.  then, a week or month or year later, i’ll experience something for the first time that i can sware i’ve experienced before

lately, my night visions have been exclusivly set in my bedroom.  people buzz around planning my akaWedding while i cuddle in bed.  standing next to my dresser a friend and i hug and share secrets.  work clients stream through the door and i turn over to greet them, adjusting the bedclothes to maintain some level of decency.

none of that is terribly troubling, i’ll admit.  but what is problematic, at times, is the feeling that i’m being watched as i sleep.  i’ll wake (or i’ll think i’m waking) to this terrifying feeling that someone is in my bedroom.  on one occasion i was upset enough to rouse mr. D.  i quietly whispered in his ear, “don’t move.  there is someone standing at the end of the bed.”  no, there was nothing.  but it felt so real. 

maybe it was.  maybe there was someone watching me. 

i’m trying to figure out what scares me more. 

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all my friends are leaving

April 27, 2008

perhaps i’ve blogged about it before or perhaps i’ve just thought it a million times – all my friends are leaving.

when you live in a town like mine it’s inevitable.  we are a small sub-urban (not suburban, just less than urban) south west florida city skirted by a larger sprawling county with three colleges and a major brain hemorrhage.  as i’ve heard it described, most folks have “one foot out” of this shithole i call home.

and shithole it’s not.  the city, for all it’s faults, is quite progressive.  there is stuff happening, damnit!  you just have to know where to go for stimulation.  and new york is no more “home” than seattle or chicago or fucking berlin, you bastards.  and i’m sick of people leaving.

i’m more sick of people talking shit about this place like it’s never done them no good.  it put you through college for christsake!  and afterwards it gave you a decent place to live, a decent job and decent friends.  and you just up and leave.  and for what?

maybe i’m jaded.  maybe i’ve found my station in life and i’m happy.  maybe i like this place and know that once you leave it you long for it.  maybe i’m not one for longing.

all my friends are leaving and that makes me sad.  and if i hadn’t blogged about it before, now i have.

 

 

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journal day

April 26, 2008

yesterday (or today depending one’s  perception) is “journal day” according to a friend who says it’s so.  i really like the idea:

So this is a group project. What I’d like you to do is to keep a journal entry for/on april 25, 2008, and then email it to me (****.****@****.com). i will compile them all and distribute. the final product will be completely anonymous, so please be as honest as you would normally be. do everything exactly as you would in a normal journal entry, but then type it up and send it in. exciting is great, but mundane is even greater. just be natural. and let’s get as many entries as possible; ideally i’d like to make it into a desk calendar-looking thing, with 365 pages/entries from as diverse a group as possible. all right. let’s spread the word, and everybody remember to keep a journal on april 25.

i sent him my blog post from yesterday, which i think is sufficient.  if nothing it was “natural”; it’s what i would have written (wrote? grammar!) on that day regardless.

****

right now mr. D and some of his work friends are inside the house talking shop.  not that i’m making any promises but maybe i’ll take this time to set up some blog posts for the upcoming week.  maybe i’ll just finish my wine and go to bed.  maybe i’ll make some bread.  talk about mundane.  stay tuned.

 

 

 

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too much of a good thing = nothing good at all

April 25, 2008

mr. D and i have been in serious negotiations over the last few days about how we should be spending our time.  these negotiations have been heated, turning cuban missile crisis-esque quite quickly.  JFK is played by mr. D, yo soy Castro and the USSR is this nebulous mix of drinking, partying, staying out late, sleeping in late, not eating properly, working out sporadically and generally being lazy.  castro and the USSR are LikeThis and JFK ain’t havin’ it.  mr. D hasn’t issued any key policy changes YET but he has ordered increased surveillance of the situation to assess any potential damage the USSR has or could cause(d) to his homeland.  castro is pretty indifferent and self serving and hesitant to give up her borracha ways.  ways that either have her stuck motionless or in a perpetual state of motion.  she’s not sure which

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movendi uniformiter in directum

April 24, 2008

over the last twelve hours or so i’ve been thinking a lot about newton’s laws of motion.  i’m not quite sure whether i’m in a state of “being at rest” or “moving uniformly straight forward”.  what i have decided, however, is that i need some “force impressed” upon my objects.  stat!

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akaWedding

April 23, 2008

in about an hour i’ll visit yet another caterer to discuss food for my quickly approaching “Big Day”.  i wonder how long it will take me to explain to this person that no, in fact, we will not be having a ceremony, kthxbai.  and now that i think about it, i wonder if it would have been easier had i never mentioned the “W” word at all, ever.  now i’ve screwed myself and it’s all unity candle-this and cake topper-that and really i just want to “throw a party” as an observant friend pointed out last night.  and if marriage is an institution, then traditional weddings are the perfect preparation for participating in such a cultural monolith.  and i don’t want to participate.  sure, mr. d and i will get married, legally, and throw a party to celebrate but that hardly means our marriage will look like anyone else’s.  why should our akaWedding?

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this blog is not dead

April 3, 2008

that is all