Archive for February, 2008

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TMI Tuesdays #10

February 26, 2008

Q 1. what can you consider as the greatest thing you’ve ever done for/ to yourself?
A 1. immediately after my mom died in 2002 (literally two days after the funeral) i went on a road trip, by myself, in her convertible. it gave me a chance to get lost and explore myself. i was lucky enough to have a beautiful man join me for the last leg of the trip but that’s a story for another day.

Q 2. what/ which part of your life do you think you could have done better and why?
A 2. without a doubt, my teenage years/high school. my depressive state ruled everything in my life and turned me into a pretty pathetic loser. i gave up. and though i have no regrets, wish that i could have seen the light at the end of the tunnel a little sooner.

Q 3. do you have that one person whom you consider to be the wind beneath your wings?
A 3. my mom.

Q 4. tell us about your longest relationship.
A 4. i’ve written about it on this blog. looking back, although the time i spent with that person was significant in number of years it has been insignificant in impact on my life. i did a lot of coasting through life back then. i wasn’t genuinely happy. now that i know what true happiness is (in and out of a relationship) those years seem like a thin brush stroke on the much larger canvas of my life.

Q 5. in a relationship, when do you get to that point of enough is enough?
A 5. i’m not really sure. perhaps i’d know when the work i put in does not equal the pleasure i get out?

Bonus Q. what is that one intimate moment with someone you miss so much and what are you willing to risk to have another moment of it.
Bonus A. thankfully i don’t have to risk anything. i know he’s coming back and that we have a lifetime of intimate moments to share.

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prosaic

February 23, 2008

he’s gone. and i feel it again.  that nag.  that need.

less than 24 hours ago we were in the same bed and now…

i’ll sleep alone.  never completely sated.

i know he’ll be back but this empty feeling.  this literally, physically empty feeling.  i hate it.

because it means i need him to feel complete.  normal.  sane.  i wonder still if that’s such a bad thing.  i’m not dying, mind you.  not in a state, as it were. 

but i can’t help but worry about growing so attached.  and honey, i’m so far past growing.  i’m there.  this very moment.  a wanton parasite. 

i dream to leach him dry.  i know he’d like it.

i count the days, hours, minutes.  i find myself in our bed.  hot.  for a moment and then it’s gone.  i’m left to live with a scent half as pungent.  and not poignant at all.  pedestrian, really.

fucking prosaic, in fact.

pitiful.

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contradiction of the day

February 19, 2008

virago \vuh-RAH-go; vuh-RAY-go\, noun:
1. A woman of extraordinary stature, strength, and courage.
2. A woman regarded as loud, scolding, ill-tempered, quarrelsome, or overbearing.

– 

so? which is it?

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best.gift.ever.

February 11, 2008

ring2.jpg

the proposal was pretty awesome, too.

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torture

February 8, 2008

we do not torture.

oh, wait. yeah we do.

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si se puede

February 7, 2008

Yes We Can!

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TMI Tuesdays #9

February 5, 2008

Q 1. by what nickname(s) were you known as a child?
A 1. ry

Q 2. do you have a favorite poem and, if so, what is it?
A 2. i’ve posted it before here

Q 3. what is your greatest regret in life, something that you failed to do that you wish you did?
A 3. i don’t believe in regrets but i do think that there were times in my life when i could have tried harder but didn’t for no other reason but sheer laziness.

Q 4. you are tired and hungry, but it’s too late to cook. if any snack food were available to you, what would you choose and why?
A 4. a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with doritos (in the sandwich, NOT on the side) would be a top five pick. other things on the top five list would be chef boyardee spaghetti and meatballs (heating in the microwave isn’t really cooking, right?), cheerios with whole milk and bananas, wavy chips and onion dip, and chex mix (the real homemade kind). but, i’m a good eater and haven’t had any of these things in any great quantity in quite some time. i would likely throw some pasta on the stove or heat up something frozen like quorn nuggets. for me, it’s never too late to cook.

Q 5. what is the oldest item of clothing (not jewelry!) that you wear regularly and what do you love about it?
A 5. my adidas shirt. i bought it at a thrift store when i was in high school. it was quite worn when i bought it but i could go bra-less in it ’cause the adidas logo goes right across the chest. now it’s so thin i have to wear a cami or tanktop underneath! but it’s so damn soft and i get lots of compliments on it and it’s vintage and i love it.

Bonus Q: name a movie or TV show that changed your thinking or behavior.
Bonus A: six feet under which started in 2001 – after my father’s death and before my mother’s. i was depressed and anxious and having a very difficult time dealing with my grief. the first episode, for those who don’t recall, introduces you to a family who runs a funeral home.  the father of the family is killed in a car accident and the family is forced to deal with their own grief. one of the brothers in the family starts to ask a series of questions about grief as a social construct, about how so many other cultures do it so much differently than we do.  why, if death is universal, do humans celebrate/mourn it in such varied ways?  it was all so simple yet so pedantic. i was really drawn into the theme of that first episode – grief as a (distinctly western?) social disease? – and i remember having one of those “ah ha” moments. i never watched much more of the show after that first episode but it really helped heal me.