decisions decisions

November 7, 2007

my friend wrote a little note to his blog this week.  in the midst of his poetic waxing, which i love, he makes a promise to “write it” (read: blog) once a week.

i made a similar promise when i first started this pile of words.  though i didn’t set time guidelines, i did set, how shall i say, “topical” guidelines saying that i wanted this place to become a space in which i could reveal myself to myself and perhaps a small audience.  what i didn’t realize at the time?  how scary as shit that proposition actually is.

i have a lot to write about but i’m afraid.  here, because i’ve let people know of my existence, i am not anonymous.  revealing myself takes on new meaning and doesn’t feel as comfortable as i thought it would.  i have other people to consider.  i’ll go so far as to say that it’s mr. D i’m most worried about.  i’m worried that he will feel vulnerable or “revealed” in my writing.  that i might say things about him that he doesn’t want others to know bothers me.  temperance and caution rule the day.

so, i have two choices – start blogging here in code, creatively disguising my personal stories as fiction or nonsensical ramblings, or create a new blog that i tell no one about where i am totally pseudonymous.

 wait.  i do have a third choice – fuck it and write what i want with no apologies.

guess i’ve got some decisions to make.  any suggestions?


One comment

  1. it’s a pickle. you probably just gave my blog identity away, which is fine. so i’ll probably face your same type of dilemma. i guess the distinction you have to make is how personal you want to get regarding that guy whose name starts with D. i mean, you can leave that whole thing outside this virtual persona, and blog about yourself and only hint at that stuff. though relationships, and especially committed, long term, etc etc relationships tend to bring a lot out about self-discovery. hence, it’s a pickle. i advocate the fuck it and write what you want. because if you’re going to “blog” totally pseudonymously, just keep a goddamned diary. what’s the point of the internet if you’re only keeping it to yourself. and don’t compromise and make your life fictive and vague, cause that’s shitty for the voyeurs.

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