get down with the sickness

October 27, 2007

this whole quitting smoking thing has been an experience.  i will go stretches without ever thinking about a cigarette.  then, like a mac truck, it hits me and i feel like a heroin addict.  big meals, the smell of coffee and drinking booze seem to be triggers. 

tonight i had pre-dinner drinks with mr. D and friend G at a local haunt.  it’s a coffee-shop-slash-wine-bar and the smell of espresso was killing me along with the dark berry shiraz i was drinking.  it took all my energy to not stand up and proclaim my non-smoking days over.  i was THIS CLOSE to going to the store for a pack of smokes.

 but i held firm.

we had dinner and then ventured to a fairly new bar on the circuit.  a smoking bar!  i swear to fucking god that every mother in that place lit up the moment i walked in.  fuckers.

some time later G was kind enough to ask whether i minded him having a smoke.  it was at that moment that i realized that the smoky bar was quite appealing to me.  the smell was intoxicating and maybe because of that i didn’t feel the urge to smoke at all.  funny how those things work.

so now i’m home.  i can smell the smoke on me.  my hair, so beautifully non-smoky for the last few days, now smells like an ash tray.  i inhale deeply and longingly and in the same moment that i want to smoke i am also filled with a tiny bit of pride because i won’t. 


One comment

  1. That’s so great that you are sticking it out! I am so proud of you. Howard quit smoking the day before I started labor with Mira. It was literally like she wouldn’t come out until the coast was “all clear”. :)
    I know he had a tough time of it but it is sooooo worth it!

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